It's a new month. Thank you so much for the opportunity to see this one. You've kept me alive and well through the last eight months of this year, I'm so grateful. So much has happened in my life between January and now, it's so amazing, I don't even know where to begin. Indeed, you make my life so beautiful.
Lost in the worlds
Worlds of indecision and inefficiency
The vortex is pulling me in
Sucking me in
But then its all the same process
Finding or be found
Lose it all or gain some
The same process
Living an excuse of a life
You find a way to fight
The suction effect
And at that moment you have won
The battle since you’ve been born
That moment it’s worth the victory
Then you start again
Living that excuse of a life
I decided to put my pen on a paper today, been a while i did that well except for exams sha, i think i’ve been suffering from writ o-phobia donno why tho’ but I’m here now to clean my cobwebs. I used to write to make myself feel better but nowadays i can’t even get myself to write a diary entry *Smh* i honestly don’t get it. So the reason behind my no-blogging errmm…. Had to prepare for my final exams and i had issues with my project, i was going crazy and crying everytime (i’m glad its all over) and even when i finally finished all that, there is the no-good-INTERNET hurdle to cross *phew*
All that being said i’m sorry for my unannounced absence. So i’m a graduate (Although some people stubbornly think otherwise) and i’m sitting at home waiting for that national excercise that keeps you ‘busy’ for one year, 2 yrs ago i woulda been excited but sadly nowadays you are not even sure if the next guy is wired under his cloths, i’m super scared of posting and one mind doesnt want me to ‘work’ it, if the worse happens i’ld be posted to Borno state (God forbid) and i’ld be forced to bring out my very looong legs (Ask Tosin Akibo) so till then i have anti-boredom options but i’ve not gotten myself to get up from my bed (So much for anti-boredom) here is my list.
- Driving School (A girls gotta learn how to drive abi?)
- Weekend Class (This shouldnt even be here because my A+ class is always boring)
There you have it, i’m sure you were expecting a looonng list but its had to find LEGAL things to do, legal in the sense that when i say it my mum would not scream ”O tun ti fe lo ba okunrin” or ”you don’t do that a girl from a good home won’t do such” and my dad say with a frown on his face ‘Where are you going to? What is happening there?’
So till i find i’m stuck!! So i’m turning 21 *Yippee* on the 26th of this month, my parents decided to celebrate it for me, the first since i turned 1, i was always getting the don’t-worry-when-you-are-10 speech then it became 15 then 20 and i gave up! So i tried my luck this year and BAM he said ”yes, u deserve it”*windecking* i rented a hall already and its gonna be the 30th of July buh i’m not sure anymore about this. As much as i love attention, i don’t like the spotlight, i’m planning the whole thing sha but secretly in one corner of my mind, i don’t want again but its too late to back out i guess, so i’m just gonna keep my fingers crossed and hope for the best.
I’ld try my best to finish everything i’ve started and continue writing, Now i feel normal. Feels good to be back too.
Everything we read on paper or hear (quotes i mean) are just mere words till you feel it or till it talks to you.
I’ve been hearing ‘Talk less, Sin less’ even the bible says
“Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent, and discerning if he holds his tongue.” (Proverbs 17:28).
“When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise.” (Proverbs 10:19).
Really i never had the courage to Purposely talk less, ok i’m a talkative so what? So lately i’ve been awfully quiet, blame it on the red robots approach + i cheated in my daily devotional (I read ahead randomly) hehehe
Saw something about talking less and it even encouraged my ‘quest’
My Observation during the Silent dayS
- Obviously i talked less.
- Gossiped less too.
- Read more books honestly not my school book
- Did alot of future thinking/planning.
- Sinned lesseR than a normal day.
- No yabbing nobody
- Only meaningful/VERY necessary conversations would be directed to you (dz part i loved)
That being said, yesterday i snapped, smiled, laughed, talked, gossiped, yabbed, shouted, bent the truth, no reading, listened to fake + original gist…
So you might say ‘Maybe you are not talking to the right people’ well i’m a realist so lets not decieve ourselves ok?
I try my best to hold the ‘right’ conversations but one gist would sha come up and ruin that right and it is replaced with a ‘wrong’ (I blame the devil for this one) Then again i say to myself ‘Maybe you are having the right conversations with the wrong people’ hmmm…. Now that makes alot of sense!
I was quiet for just 2days i think, and its was bitter-sweet, bitter because everyone treated me like i just caught some contagious disease that is caught by laughing or talking to me, it was sweet because as much as i love talking, i love my space too, i enjoyed the fact that i was asked VERY VERY necessary questions, and i wasnt called for the regular ‘room gist’ altho’ i love the feeling when one of my friends comes and says ‘Tomi latest gist’ and when i hear d headline i have that smile and say ‘Stale gist and even dish out the FULL story’
But you know everyone has to retire at some point right? Or not?
I think i’m finally growing up hehehe i would start working ke? Dont let them tag me office talkative abi? Wow 21 is gonna be the best age ever(i can forsee) But seriously talking less is a good experience? Right?
We totally NEED zippers!
shakara, because there is absolutly nothing i can do about you. These are some of my concerns about you. Don’t you know its rude to
show up unannounced, therefore, i seriously need a MAJOR announcement wen you are about to make my life misrable for a span of
3days. Its enough that you show up unannounced you really dont have to torture me also, please, just come and go silently abeg.
You are the only, i mean ONLY one that makes me feel uncomfy for 3 days in a roll then what? With all of these then i have to worry
when you don’t come? Please go easy on me naa… Yours still in service, DramaQueen. All these said was life not easier when we were
younger?? Can’t we just go back?
As she heard the old school ‘Here comes the bride’ she knew deep in her heart that this was the best decision she has ever made in her 25years of existence, she slipped her slender hands into her fathers, then looked into his eyes before they took the step down the aisle, steps to her future.
He was just a 3rd year student studying chemical engineering at the university of Ibadan, a good looking guy from a wealthy home, He has heard ‘love at first sight’ countless time and never believed it until that faithful Thursday at the library…
‘Can I help you?’ she looked up to say, all he could stare at were those beautiful brown eyes that screamed innocence…
Now 5 years later I’m here staring at this same eyes only its filled with something different; love for me, then he heard the pastor for the first time ‘do you ola take simi to be your lawfully wedded bride blah blah blah’ with the largest grin he said ‘I do’
He knew he had to say something before she thought he was crazy ‘Is this seat taken?’ stupid stupid stupid! Was that your best? He scolded himself, ‘No’ was all she said and kept reading. Concentrating on the books he had initially come to read became the most difficult task ever ‘Talk to her? No, what if you don’t see her again, talk jor’ then he decided and just enjoyed the sitting beside the beautiful girl.
The ‘I do’ he heard pulled him out of his thought ‘hmmm… We’ve really come this far wow!,’ the rest of the ceremony went by in a flash, he just wanted to go home and start his life with his new bride.
She sat there trying so hard to concentrate on the book ‘He is so fine hmm… How can I concentrate with this fine boy beside me’ this went on in her head till he stood up to leave, Just then she arrives, ‘Madame you ready to go?’, ‘did you see him leave?’ She asked her best friend ‘who?’ ‘Ola that fine boy in part 3, he sat beside me and I could tell he wanted to talk but you know with all the whole fine boy forming and all’ Well that’s your problem just pack your books abeg hunger haff wire ma head!
She couldn’t help but smile at the first day she ‘met’ him, now here she was in his arms on their first night together as married couples, the first night, the first day of the rest of their lives. He slowly pulled back the night gown to reveal her smooth caramel skin, gently kissing her shoulders he pulled the night gown to reveal the rest of her perfectly shaped body, he pulled her close and his lips met hers and his hands caressed her ample bosom.
The clock read 11:00pm then she stood up to check the room, she moved closer looking into the cot, sleeping peacefully was the first fruit of her marriage with this man, then the tears escaped, Why is he not home yet? There are no board meetings Fridays abi? What have I done to deserve this now? Does he not know I need help with this baby? I really need to get back to work maybe I won’t notice all his late nights or not? Just then the sound of the door pulled her out of herself ‘interrogating session’, sweetheart! Welcome, what happened? – Traffic! He said in a very cold manner, how is the baby? Sleeping she replied, can you get me something to eat while I check on her?
He sat up in bed partly covered with the duvet, turned to her; the stranger, she mumbled something but his mind was everywhere but there ‘when did it get to this? So I was cold yesterday I know, but why is she suffering in silence? Why can’t she say something? Maybe then I would let this guilt go and confess or not? What she doesn’t know won’t hurt right? But I’m not a good actor neither am i sure she has an idea already but why is she not talking?’ something that sounded like a shout brought him back to reality ‘are you here at all? I’ve been asking you a question for the past 10mins haba! are you going home tonight?’ defensively he answered ‘please don’t start, what night have I not gone home? Don’t ask me such anymore’ with that he stood up dressed up and left the room without saying anything else.
“Can’t you see the writing on the wall? Or you have just chosen to deny it? He has started keeping late nights, he doesn’t even talk to you, the loving part of your marriage is gone, and one good thing is he helps out with the baby. But seriously simi don’t you see it? He is cheating on you”. All what her friend said to her earlier in the day kept replaying in her head, with tears rolling down her cheeks she asked herself ‘but why??’
Another night, a familiar stranger, he lay down beside her contemplating if waking her up was good idea, No! She decides to suffer in silence, then good for her, I won’t up and confess; no way! For her not to notice, it probably means she doesn’t care anymore right? So why should I? With all that thought he slept off.
”I really need to talk to you” she said, when I get back from work, I’m late. ”nowadays you are always late even your home coming, so today should not be an exception, so can we talk?” He nodded aii
I just wanted to ask what’s wrong with us, what have I done to deserve all the treatment you are giving me? Recently you’ve been coming home late from work, I noticed the drinking too and you don’t even talk to me not to even talk of touching me, what happened? Or are you seeing someone else?
He sat there his face in his hands, when he heard her speak with the hurt in her voice he knew, I guess it is time to let it all be over with that he said……
So i’ve been writing this story since forever (by forever i mean like 3weeks) not because i dnt have what to write but i could not just get to understand d idea behind cheating and obviously i still don’t, so i decided i would ask, instead of just keeping my story in draft…..
So if you are reading this, use the comment box and give your reasonS… Why you think people cheat in relationships. Thanks
To do? or not to do? Innie minnie mannie mo, father has a donkey ‘This is ridiculous!’ she thought either ways its gonna happen. With the wind caressing her long black hair, the horrible experience plays back in her head.
It was a very beautiful Saturday morning, the sun rays lit up the room, all she had to was get off the bed but, it was seeming more difficult than she had anticipated the previous night.
She had written in her journal before she fell asleep with her cloth on..
12th April 2006 Today was the best in like forever. I finally got the chance to audition for that role i’ve been wanting to play, thanks to this audition I finally get a chance to leave this house hmmm…. so I cant wait till its morning altho’ the audition starts at noon, I know dz excitement would not make me sleep well….
Ifeoluwa!! Ifeoluwa!!! you don’t want to be late for your audition do you?? common get up!! Waking up with the pen in her hands upon looking at the wall clock which read 9.00am all she could do was laugh at herself, knowing she had little time to get her act together, she got off the bed and went into the bathroom to take a quick shower.
‘Gladly mummy supports me, I cant imagine if she had followed that old man hmm… but seriously whats with this man and the entertainment industry? I don’t get it! He has just decided not to bulge’ this thought stream through her head while taking a shower.
She get out and started thinking of the appropriate cloth to wear, after trying like 5 different outfits she got tired and opted for a black top, a Jean with a black plimsolls with pink lace, looked In the mirror ‘ok! This is it, I think I look nice enough to wow the judges ba? Too bad the mirror can’t talk back’
she looked at the time and it was 10am already and she still had to present her act to her mum before she leaves. Mummy! She called out as soon as she got downstairs, i’m ready, won’t u have breakfast? Errrmm I don’t think so, I don’t wanna throw up all cos i’m nervous, don’t worry u would be fine her mum told her so get your butt there and show me whatchu got, she could not but laugh at an old school mum trying to ‘feel among’
Don’t you think the driver should drop you? Her mum cried as she was racing out the door, mum for the umpteenth time I’m a big girl i can take care of myself i’ld take the bus thank you, bye mama.
Soon she was out the door, on the bus all she could think of was her mothers applause after showing her the act and hoping that she was applauding her because the act was good not because she was doing her duty to make her feel good. Then she saw the sign, pulled the ‘bus-stop string’ in the brt bus, she was getting closer to the venue and her heart was racing faster, she would need to walk down the street to before she gets there – crap!
Mentally going over her performance she hardly heard the ‘hey sister’ as she passed a group of boys that gathered under a tree drinking and smoking, she kept walking till she felt the presence of someone behind her, looking back, she picked up her pace, tryin to run then she felt the huge, rugged and heavy hands on her shoulder
‘Who is chasing you?’ stammering and trying to get her words out ‘errmmm… I-i-i wasnt running i’m just late for and audition, that starts in…’ looking down at her watch ’10mins plss can i go?’
Now like 2 of the guyz from under the tree had walked up to them. Looking around the street was empty, now she got more scared…. ‘did you not ear me call you?’ said one of the guyz that approached them
‘i-i d-didn’t ear my name’ then he walked closer to her whispering in her ears ‘you look sexy’ feeling all shaky she said ‘thank you sir please can i go now? I have a audition in 5mins’ they all looked at her then back at themselves and burst out in the most sacarstic laughter she had ever heard
‘why am i here today? Why did i take this route? Why did i not jump at mummy’s let-the-driver-drop-you offer?’ all this thought raced through her head all at a time….
‘You can go’ was all she heard and her she gave a sigh of relieve which did not last for long, as soon as she turned her back to leave, she felt the hand again, only this time it wasn’t on her shoulder but on her mouth trying to keep her from shouting, she kicked and tried to loose herself off his grip but it was futile, then the big bang on the side of her head and she blacked out.
As her bare back hit the rough hard surface she opened her eyes, she looked above to see the preyin’ eyes of 3 huge, rough looking men that was when it clicked
‘where the heck are my cloth and where am i?’
looking around all she knew was this was an uncompleted building that was it, so she decided to voice her thought and all she got was a slap that made her bleed ‘shhhuuussshhh cooperate with us by keeping quiet and we would not give you any of that’
now with tears and thought of what is about to befall her she started begging and the minute she opend her mouth, it was followed by another slap, she closed her eyes with agony and pain as the first guy mounted on her and forced his way in, all she could do was beg God to take her out of this misery and she passed out – AGAIN.
She opened her eyes to an empty room, At first all she thought of was ‘Geez ma audition!’ but as she moved and felt sour it all came back, the guyz, the slap, the….
It was better not thinking about it, but how was this not going to haunt her for the rest of her life? She stood up and picked her cloths that were scattered off the ground and she knew right there that it was going to be that difficult to pick the pieces of her life back, because every step she took was more painful than the last.
Sitting on the ground hugging her legs with tears in her eyses, re-living the ordeal to her mum was the most difficult thing she had ever done in her entire life. Her mum was filled with regrets if only i had insisted that she took the driver this wouldnt have happened to my baby girl she thought but she also knew better not to play the ‘why did u not listen to me game’ now was not the time, her baby needed her and that was exactly where she would be, right beside her.
She tried so hard not to think of what her father would say and even considered not telling him at all, because he could be insensitive and start the ‘i told you so story which frankly i’m not ready for’ she thought i guess i’ld just let it be for a week before i tell him.. All this thought were going through as she sat there with her daughter in her arms and tears rolling down their cheeks.
What is she thinking?
Does she now see me as unclean like i feel?
Would she tell daddy?
How would i get out of this?
Would this scar ever leave?
Can i get pregnant? Oh no no no no!!!! Then my child would be a bastard? No no no God please No..
As she stayed quietly in the comfort of her mums embrace her mind was everywhere but there. As her mum stood up from the bed thinking she had slept off, she still found it hard to fall aslip as the event of the day just kept replayin’ in her head.
Then she got up from her bed went into the bathroom and took a bottle of pills and also a knief…. To do or not to do? Innie minnie mannie mo, father has a donkey ‘this is ridiculous!’ she thought either ways its gonna happen. With the wind caressing her long black hair, the horrible experience plays back in her head then she decides i cant continue like this lemmie pick the less painful one..
She then picks up her pen and writes: Dear mum and dad, I’m really sorry i have to leave you in this manner but i don’t think i can leave with this scar for the rest of my life, i’m almost going out of my mind just re-living the horrible experience in my head and its been less than 24hrs, i don’t tink i wanna got thru this for the rest of my life. Thank you for always being there for me. I love you both. Then she opens the bottle and takes an overdose of the sleeping pills,then goes to sleep quietly.
Ifeoluwa! Ifeoluwa!! You don’t want to be late for your audition do you? Common get up!! With the pen in her hand she opens her eyes reluctantly, Her mum walked in and the first thing that came out of her mouth was ‘Mum please let the driver drop me’